Problem Child 62/365

Pharaoh of your own world.
You’re a man, with responsibilities. Yes, we know.
Not only are you busy doing your work,
but you are also busy doing your wife’s work, too,
even though she’s the better student.

Brett 56/365

The Prince of Organized, The King of Methodical, The Duke of Disciplined. I knew I would like working with you right away. We balance each other and make a great team. Please get out of there soon.

Louise 54/365

Exhibited completely inappropriate boundaries in your position, harping quarterly, monthly, weekly about parking, toileting practices and the necessity of undergarments for women. You were scary because you were unpredictable. You are much happier and saner elsewhere now.

Y__ X__ 53/365

“What does your name mean?” I asked,
Expecting to hear something like Graceful Flower or Clever Warrior.
But you said it means something like,
“Maybe the next one will be a boy.”
Shit, really? What the fuck?

Demon-anthy 52/365

You believed every lie SPL 7 told you about us, didn’t you?
You told us in no uncertain terms that this is now a top down system.
Do you have fun emailing in your little corner all alone?

SPL 7 51/365

What pleasure can you possibly take in dismantling what was an amazing program again and again? Why don’t they notice the talent running from you screaming? What are you doing with all that money? Just a question.

MMM 50/365

I can understand you being a free spirit and all, whatever, to each his own.
But, you know, don’t father a child, school her in the ways of pot smoking for preschoolers and skip out. That sucks.

Djimet 49/365

So tall and black and damn handsome in your grande boubou. You’re the picture of West African Everyman. Can’t imagine the life you’ve lived, the danger and fear you’ve known. So glad your family’s with you now.

The Other Joe 48/365

Look like a skinny, hip old man.
Went overseas, came back married with a pregnant wife.
She just wanted a visa?
She got a job at Ikea. You got a beautiful son.
Happy? You don’t look it.

Joe D. 47/365

Our very own Gordon Sumner—same age, same look, so calm and healthy. You walk and bus everywhere. I love your example. How many languages do you speak? English, Arabic, Somali, Spanish, French—and there are more.

TD 46/365

SPL 7’s little yes man, have you no self respect? Stand up. Say no for once. You could be beautiful if you said yes to yourself. Instead you are old, tired and pasty faced and not even thirty-five.

Lucy 45/365

I’d love to see you happy and rested.
You’re working on it, I know.
These are not your best years, I’m guessing.
Hope I know you again when things are better.
Jeez, am I a fair-weather friend?

Marsha 44/365

Beautiful in every way—red hair, stylish clothes, tender heart. I love that you get sick when you travel because you can’t stop eating the food and drinking the water. Tell me a story. I’m all ears.

Michael K 43/365

Dress like a Mormon missionary every day.
Do as little as possible.
Don’t seem to care.
Study Persian, now Turkish you say,
Three out of eight hours a day.
Nice. Why do you still have a job?

James 42/365

Why can’t you see how beautiful you are with those amazing blue eyes, chic hair and clothes? Smart, funny, such a great husband, father, friend. Good you’re not cocky, but wish you could see what we see.

Scott 41/365

Foolishly I challenged you to a rubber band fight.
I threw a small fit about the injustices of being left handed in a right-handed world.
Next day you gave me The Left Hander’s Handbook.
Thanks for listening.

Richard 40/365

How’s your friend Wei?
"Wei? Ni how? Ni how ma. Ha, ha…ha, ha. Xien, xien. Tsai chien."
Love that we can talk about teaching, dance, language, food and God all on any given day. You get me.

Fanta 32/365

I choked on a slow fat fly in front of your 7th grade Geography class. After I finally managed to spit it out, everyone sat in stunned silence until you said, “Miss, you know flies eat poop?!”